


The Masks We Wear

by mihomi98



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, First Kiss, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 17:56:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20430077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mihomi98/pseuds/mihomi98
Summary: Dean hated to admit it, but he missed Cas, even if he was right there. Ever since Castiel had given up his grace, there was something about him that made Dean constantly feel like a failure and like his was letting down the person who meant the most in his life. Unforunately, like it so often did in his life, that fear came out as frustration and anger.





	The Masks We Wear

Dean hated to admit it, but he missed Cas, even if he was right there. Ever since Castiel had given up his grace, there was something about him that made Dean constantly feel like a failure and like his was letting down the person who meant the most in his life. Unforunately, like it so often did in his life, that fear came out as frustration and anger. 

Everything came to a head, especially, on a Thursday afternoon after the boys (plus Sam and Jack) had gotten back from a hunt. It was far from Castiel's first hunt as a human, but there was something different about this one. He had managed to get knocked unconscious by the monster, and had fallen off the edge of a dock into the muddy lake below. 

Sam and Dean had been too busy fighting off the monster's collegues to notice that their friend was missing, and by the time that they had, Castiel's head had gone under water more than once. Jack had managed to pull him out, but he had never been trained in CPR (nor had he ever heard of it, coincidentally), so it had been up to Sam and Dean to save their friend's life. 

For several terrifying, heart-stopping minutes, it seemed like the boys were too late, but then Castiel rolled over to his side and began coughing violently, disloging the liquid from his lungs and filling them back up with air. Dean had fought the urge to pull the other man to his chest and beg him never to do that again, but he fought it, keeping silent until they had reached the bunker. 

Once they were home, though, and Sam and Jack had gone off to do their own things, Dean was filled with anger. He had /told/ Castiel time and time again to stick close, to make sure that Dean and Sam knew what was going on with him at all times, and this is how he followed those orders? Slipping around behind the monster and out of Dean's line of sight?

He watched Castiel fix a mug of hot chocolate and sit down at the table, his nose red and chills still wracking his body from where he had been sucked under the braccish water. He let Castiel take a long sip and express a satisfied sigh before biting out the words that had been bouncing around his skull ever since he saw the grey-blue twinge that Castiel's skin had taken on. 

"You know, man, you'd think after over ten years on this Chuck-forsaken planet you wouldnt be so stupid when it came to being a human."

Castiel froze and stared at the mug in his hands for a moment before looking up at Dean, his bright-blue eyes wide and filled with hurt. "What?"

Dean crossed his arms over his chest and blew out a heavy breath through his nose. "Before, I knew you always had my back during a hunt, but now? Cas, I told you to stay where I could see you. Sam and I can't do shit to protect you of you insist on letting every son-of-a-bitch get the jump on you." He shook his head, chuckling dryly. "Hell, you can't even cook a simple meal without burning yourself. Don't know why Sam was so insistent that you keep hunting with us. Clearly you aren't ready."

Castiel's eyes widened before he clenched his teeth and broadened his jaw. "I'm not a 'baby in a trenchcoat', Dean," he said, reminding Dean of one of the many awful things he had said the last time that Castiel was human. "I may be human now, but I've spent centuries being an Angel of the Lord. I am more than capable of taking care of myself."

Dean felt his stomach clench in frustration at Castiel's words. "Right. That's why you almost died again today. You're clearly doing /such/ a great job." 

The hurt in Castiel's eyes turned to anger and he stood up, taking another long drink of his hot chocolate before putting if back down on the table. "You're one to talk about taking care of yourself, Dean. Do you realize how many times you would have drank yourself to death if I hadn't interviened?" He met Dean's eyes for a moment before looking away. "I saw an opportunity, and I took it. It was an unsuccessful risk, but I had to try."

"Yeah, okay. Because your plans have worked out so well in the past. What about when you stole the colt, hmm? Or you offered yourself up to the Empty?" 

"You know exactly why I made that deal, Dean. My son's life was in danger. /Our/ son." He clenched his fist, and Dean rolled his eyes. 

"Yeah, okay. Because that makes everything just fine and dandy, doesn't it? News flash, Cas, but just because Jack sees you, me, and Sam as some sort of weird incestual father unit doesnt make it true. You know as well as I do that that was just an excuse."

Castiel's nostrils flared. "An 'excuse'? Dean, I sacrificed my happiness to a shapeless being, and then when we found a loophole, I sacrificed my entire /being/ for our family. You were going to sacrifice yourself to stop Michael. You /did/ sacrifice yourself to stop Lucifer. How was my decision any worse, today or back then?" 

He walked over to Dean, stopping a few feet away. Dean refused to look at him, the anger quickly turning to anxiety as Castiel came closer to the reason why Dean was so upset with him. Castiel, however, was still angry. "Besides, I'm fine, Dean! You and Sam made sure of that! Jack got me out in time, and I'm still here! I don't know what you want me to do, I have accepted being human and I am doing everything I know how to do to keep our family safe--"

Before Dean even realized what he was doing, he had spun Castiel around so that his back was against the counter that Dean had been leaning against, and everything he had fought so hard to keep locked behind his anger came spilling out. "I thought you were dead, Cas!" he exclaimed, pressing forward and using his body to hold him in place. "You weren't waking up! We were doing compressions, and giving you air, and you didn't have a pulse! You were gray, and your body was cold, and I can't lose you, Cas, not like that!"

Dean didn't notice that tears were slipping down his cheeks until Castiel sagged against him and pressed his thumbs beneath Dean's eyes. Dean shook off the contact and continued speaking. "I didn't have to worry about you when you were an angel, Cas, dont you get it? Sure, some son-of-a-bitch could have ganked you, but you wouldn't drown. You wouldn't fall and hit your head. Hell, some stupid sickness wouldn't take you away from me like it almost did Jack! God, Cas, you're right, he is our son, and when I thought he was dead, it ripped me up inside, but today? I know what it feels like to lose that connection with you, man, and today, it was gone! /You/ were gone, and I--"

This time it was Castiel who spun them around, effectively silencing Dean as he pressed against him and kissed him. He wrapped his hands around the back of his neck and held him close, chasing after his lips when Dean broke away and pressed their foreheads together. Dean let out a shaky breath and pulled Castiel into a tight hug, pressing kisses against his neck as he simply breathed in Castiel's scent. 

The men held each other in silence for several minutes until Castiel pulled back and cupped Dean's face in his hands. "I love you, Dean. I'm sorry for scaring you today. I promise to be more careful in the future." He kissed him softly. 

Dean moved his hands down to Castiel's hips and slipped them under the Hem of his shirt, rubbing his thumbs in small circles over the man's hipbones. "I'm sorry, too, for what I said. You're a great Hunter, Cas, and I always want you with us. I want you with me everywhere."

"I want that, too, Dean. Now come on. We've had a long day, and I think we deserve some rest."

Dean did, too.


End file.
